刚才听到十二响礼炮，一查原来是美军交接仪式，怪不得早上直升机乱飞

 

STUTTGART, Germany - The United States European Command (USEUCOM) will host a Change of Command Ceremony between Army Gen. John Craddock and Navy Adm. James G. Stavridis at Husky Field on Patch Barracks, Stuttgart, Germany, June 30 at 10 a.m.

The Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen will preside over the ceremony.

 

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound
dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the
space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with
airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains.

Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken
hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed
it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the
engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the
cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists
for suggestions.

You're going to love this...

 

NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken first."

朝：大哥，我要核试验
中：恩，知道了，啥时候
朝：10
中：10？10什么 10天 还是 10小时
朝：9，8，7 。。。。
中：你大爷的！

最近手潮，上周五还差点追尾。两年实习期马上要过了，不敢大意啊。想了个昏招：本周不开车，硬把实习期熬过去

Sbahn邻座上来一干瘦中年黑衣男子，手持皱皱巴巴纸张若干，撕烂后塞入垃圾箱。快到Herrenberg时黑衣男被俩便衣检查，经电话核实身份后带走......搞笑的是对面一哥们见警察临检就开溜，生怕黑衣男伤害到他。

 

补充: 看来出事了，刚才去买菜，回来发现警察在A81的Herrenberg出口设路障查车......

 

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

'Well, I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

............某人开长途夜车的独门秘籍

早上9点去取送修的电脑，发现楼前没空位就直奔了楼上。等了很久电梯也不来，哎，干脆走楼梯下去。推开楼梯间沉重的铁门，好不容易进到里面。店里基本没几个人，快周末了还这个样子怎么做生意的。不过里面的人好像都很熟悉的样子互相打招呼，不是一大家子来掏什么便宜货的吧？闪过他们去了维修部，一路上都有人行注目礼。这时终于有一个保安头头模样的人奔过来问我：干嘛呢哥们？我说我那破电脑修好没有哇，都什么时候了？那人差点晕倒，大叫：你怎么进来的？我们还没开张呐。。。。我环顾四周，发现大门口的卷帘门像座山似的堵在那里，收银台一个也没开，里面的全是早起摆货的员工。。。。这安保怎么做的，奥运开完了就这样。。。。